Monday, September 26, 2016

Dear KJ: My Mother is Urging Me to Lose Weight for My Wedding. Help!

Dear KJ: I’m planning a wedding and my mother keeps telling me to lose weight to look better in the photos. How can I confront her about this without starting a fight? (Posted first HERE)

Image originally posted HERE.

Wow. I completely understand how you feel. In fact, the anxiety I felt about my body when I was planning my wedding was so intense that I ended up writing a book about it! I wasn't getting pressure from my mom to lose weight, but I was pressuring myself. You can read all about that in my book, or in this op-ed I wrote, but to answer your question I asked one of my sociology colleagues, Maddie Jo Evans, who is not only doing a research project on the wedding industry, but is also a wedding photographer on the side! Here's what Maddie had to say:
From what I have seen in my field work, in my interviews and as a wedding photographer, mothers and mother-in-laws seem to be the most likely to put pressure on their daughters/in-laws to lose weight. Many of the women I've spoken with have said that their mothers were the first to mention or "hint" that they ought to drop some weight for their wedding day. Most of them say that it is difficult for them to push back because their mothers are helping to pay for the wedding and the dress. Some brides even feel pressure to buy a dress in a smaller size than their current body.
Many brides say that their mothers have always been their biggest critics and many have dealt with their moms making remarks about their bodies throughout their entire lives, but things become amplified by the wedding. Being exposed to messages from bridal media, mothers, family members and partners make the idea of losing weight for your wedding a normalized and expected thing. Even women who were satisfied with their bodies on any normal day worried that their current body would not be good enough for their wedding day. This pressure can push brides into unhealthy eating and workout patterns. 
My advice is to explain to your mother that you're is happy with the way that you look, and that you feel beautiful in your own skin. If you feel that you will be happy on your wedding day without losing any weight, then I hope you can respectfully tell your mother that and make it known that you aren't willing to change yourself for the expectations of others, even your mom. 
Our culture teaches us that the only way to be a beautiful bride is to be a thin bride, and this simply is NOT TRUE! As a wedding photographer I can promise you that it is not weight loss, but happiness and confidence that make for the most beautiful wedding photos. Have a wonderful time!
Best,
Maddie Jo Evans
P.S. (from KJ) - Also, it might not hurt to remind your mother that all of this pressure for brides to lose weight is part of a huge wedding "industry" that makes gazillions of dollars by convincing brides AND their families that the only way to have a good-enough wedding is for everything to be perfect, from the dress to the decorations to the bodies of the people on display. This pressure is SO gendered. We assume that brides and their mothers are totally responsible for making sure everything is perfect, which is really sexist and stupid. But, given this, maybe your mom is feeling pressure from these cultural ideals, rather than from her own heart. She might even feel a sense of relief if you show her that your priorities are not about keeping up appearances, but about celebrating with your soon-to-be-spouse and family and friends. Assure her that she can help you have your dream wedding by worrying about what's best for you rather than striving for an impossible and expensive standard of perfection! - KJ
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  17. My name is NICOLE from USA. I am here to give testimony on how I got my husband back, my husband left me for no reason months ago. He moved in with another woman, I felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then one day a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good and she said that he told her all about her life history and the problem she is facing, i didn't believe it because I've worked with so many of them and it didn't work. She begged me further so I decided to try this great spell caster called Great Dr BEN . I still didn't believe but inside me i wanted to give a try and as God will have it i used the spell solution he gave me and the next day and I really received a call from my darling husband, He apologized and came back to me. I'm very happy now with my family it worked for me and i believe it will work for you, give him a try and follow up, this is a clear truth from a testifier. Thank you Dr BEN once again, if you want to reach him via website http://benherbaltemple.webs.com email: benherbaltemple@gmail.com or call him on +1(310) 220-0075




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    My name is David L. Ollis, 43yrs, from UK my wife and I have been married for 15 years. For over five years I have been dealing with jealousy issues because of flirting and her having emotional type affairs with other men. I felt like my masculinity was in question and if I said the way she was acting bothered me, it seemed to make matters worse or I was accused of being controling. During this period I did state I wanted a divorce if the behavior was not going to end: texting men a night, leaving for the weekend without letting me know where she was going or not responding to messages. We do have a son and basically it's been him and I for the last year on the weekends. She disconnected completely from being a good wife and mother. In April she said she wanted a separation and I said no we need to get into marriage counseling. We did try that, but she was not very responsive and didn't give any effort. Afterward she was adamant about separation and divorce. I continued to say no and that we needed to save our family. She presented a separation agreement and I had to hire a lawyer. Because of the above behavior my lawyer suggested a private investigator. The investigator discovered my wife was having an affair with a close friend of the family who also is married with children. We know the extended families. I feel like I should tell this man's wife about what happened. This adultery has devastated me emotionally, I feel betrayed and I'm physically drained. I know my wife is passionate in terms of her sexuality, and I can't get the thought of them out of my head. It makes me question my own manhood, and I feel very inferior or that he must be a better lover or what ever. The problem is my wife pursued him. She would go to him and she lured him into this adultery. I felt this was coming for some time and could not stop it. She was not only lying to me but also to our son about what she was doing and where she was going. My family is important, my son loves her and as crazy as it sounds so do I. Can you respond with a course of action on how to proceed? I was still have a very huge place in my heart for her. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my wife came to me and apologized for the wrongs she did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I, my son and my wife are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Ahmed. as it is a place to resolve marriage/relationship issues, do you want to be sure if your spouse is being faithful to you or Do you want your Ex to come back to you Contact.: E-mail: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/Whats-app: +2348160153829 save your crumbling home and change of grades its 100% safe. I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.

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  43. Hello,

    My name is David L. Ollis, 43yrs, from UK my wife and I have been married for 15 years. For over five years I have been dealing with jealousy issues because of flirting and her having emotional type affairs with other men. I felt like my masculinity was in question and if I said the way she was acting bothered me, it seemed to make matters worse or I was accused of being controling. During this period I did state I wanted a divorce if the behavior was not going to end: texting men a night, leaving for the weekend without letting me know where she was going or not responding to messages. We do have a son and basically it's been him and I for the last year on the weekends. She disconnected completely from being a good wife and mother. In April she said she wanted a separation and I said no we need to get into marriage counseling. We did try that, but she was not very responsive and didn't give any effort. Afterward she was adamant about separation and divorce. I continued to say no and that we needed to save our family. She presented a separation agreement and I had to hire a lawyer. Because of the above behavior my lawyer suggested a private investigator. The investigator discovered my wife was having an affair with a close friend of the family who also is married with children. We know the extended families. I feel like I should tell this man's wife about what happened. This adultery has devastated me emotionally, I feel betrayed and I'm physically drained. I know my wife is passionate in terms of her sexuality, and I can't get the thought of them out of my head. It makes me question my own manhood, and I feel very inferior or that he must be a better lover or what ever. The problem is my wife pursued him. She would go to him and she lured him into this adultery. I felt this was coming for some time and could not stop it. She was not only lying to me but also to our son about what she was doing and where she was going. My family is important, my son loves her and as crazy as it sounds so do I. Can you respond with a course of action on how to proceed? I was still have a very huge place in my heart for her. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my wife came to me and apologized for the wrongs she did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I, my son and my wife are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Ahmed. as it is a place to resolve marriage/relationship issues, do you want to be sure if your spouse is being faithful to you or Do you want your Ex to come back to you Contact.: E-mail: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/Whats-app: +2348160153829 save your crumbling home and change of grades its 100% safe. I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.

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  50. My name is Cathy James. am from Alabama, USA i hear how people are talking numerously about this powerful man called Dr Jatto and i also contact him to help me cast a spell in regard of my girlfriend whom i love so much that left me 2 yrs ago,but today my girlfriend is back to me and we are happily married with 3kids and i am so much happy for the help i found in you Dr Jatto. I and my family are very much happy and we are living large now,smiling everyday and we happy together again.i am grateful and appreciate your good work you used your spell to bring me and my girlfriend ,thank you and may God bless you and may you live long to help people in problems. you can contact his email:drjattolovespelltemple@gmail.com or drjattolovespelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or his websites:http://drjattolovespellte.wixsite.com/spelltemple and his Mobile:+2347050270268.!!.

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  51. REAL SPELL CASTER THAT CAN HELP YOU GET YOUR LOVER BACK

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  52. Hello my name is Natasha Davis..from United State...I want to let the world know about Dr.BAWADA the Great spell caster that brought back my boyfriend to me when i thought all hope was lost. we were 3years in our relationship when my boyfriend left me for another woman. Dr.BAWADA used his powerful spell to put a smile on my face by bringing back my boyfriend with his spell, at first i thought i was dreaming when my boyfriend came back to me on his knees begging me to forgive him and accept him back and ever since then he loves me more than i ever expected so i made a vow to my self that i will let the World know about Dr.BAWADA because he is a God on earth. Do you have problems in your relationship ? have your partner broke up with you and you still love and want him back ? contact Dr.BAWADA today for i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you just as he helped me.CONTACT his email: drbawadasolutionhome@gmail.com or his Mobile number call/whatsapp :+254741086480 or contact web/site
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  58. Now that i got my man back it's would be unfair if I don't share my experience to the whole world on how i got him back.That is why I am here this day to let the world know that there are real powers in spell casting as DR OCUSODO has proven to me by bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family in just 2days after i got him contacted . I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com or drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com A great spell caster,who cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 4 months now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me.Dr OCUSODO released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I'm writing this testimony right now I'm the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that's why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Dr OCUSODO for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assuring the whole universe that as he has done mine for me,he will definitely help anyone that takes time to get him contacted on. drocusodospellcaster@yahoo.com or drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com +2349067457724, WEXSITE https://drocusodospellcast.wixsite.com/dr-ocusodo

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  60. Hello i am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how i got my wife back.I was going crazy when my wife left me for another man last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to DR GBOJIE the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to DR GBOJIE about how my wife left me. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My wife called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my wife called me to be pleading for forgiveness. I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world on how DR GBOJIE help me grant my heart desire. If you need any kind of help contact DR GBOJIE at the following email address: gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com or call +2349066410185 He also cast so many spell like,
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  65. Hello my name is Kathy Smith and i want to testify about the powerful magical mirror that helped my life in positive ways and that blessed me. I have been hearing about this magical mirror for long and i have been searching for a way to get it but to no avail all my efforts seemed to be in vain but my cousin's friend told me how she ordered for the magical mirror from Dada Magical a powerful man from Africa and how she used it and how she became blessed. At first i thought it was a joke but i decided to order for it by contacting
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  69. HELLO My name is sarah jesae from USA, I want to testify to the general public on how my relationship was restored back by the great power’s of Dr,Bello After three months of loneliness, my ex-lover called me after my contact with Dr,Bello that he want us to come back and start a good home, now we are happily married with a kid. All thanks to Dr,Bello for his spiritual help. You can contact him on his email if you have similar problem, or any solution you may need, job, divorce, promotion in you place of work, healing,money spell, etc.you can Contact him via email: bellospelltemple@gmail.com OR you can also reach him via whatsapp on +2348147271779

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  70. today am a happy woman because of what Dr Gozza has done for me and am here to testify to everyone here on this forum how this man helped me win my husband back after he has left me and my 4 months daughter to go after another lady who used powers and lies to deceive my husband , it was a terrible situations for me till i storm into this woman who shared a story about Dr Gozza of hollygozzasolutiontemple@gmail.com, of Facebook just the way am sharing it today now , so i said let me give it a try and after i have explained to this man DR GOZZA from the united state he told me to calm down for there is no problem without a solution so he did his work , prayers, and told me to wait for 48 hours to receive a call, or messages from my husband , i was just like how will this happen , but it was 8 am on that faithful day when i got an apology text from my husband , saying he is so sorry for everything , i quickly take my phone to contact Dr Gozza and inform he that my man has texted me and that was how i got my husband back and today we are one happy family again, so with this great work done for me by DR Gozza hollygozzasolutiontemple@gmail.com, i have decided to share to world about he so whosoever suffering from heart break, marriage problems breakup , cheating spouse, can also contact he today on his email and i know and believe they will also be helped , because today am a living testimony of his good work call or whatapp on his number.+2349067051818
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  71. My name is Jessica Luis, and I base in USA...My life is back!!! After 1 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Mohammed, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr Mohammed's e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr Mohammed, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here's his contact: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com or call him +2348134493948

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  72. I believe anybody that owns 100% of your heart is worth fighting for. Yes, I am boasting because I never adhered to some negative advice from my parents when I was about getting married. There was a war between our two family then my husband was his mothers puppy, his family members used him a lot that he cant make any decision without consulting them. What surprised me most was the moment a 36-year-old man seeks his parent and some family members consent before dating anyone, the worst happened when he was instructed to bring me along to their country home in N. Rampart, New Orleans, it was risky to accept such invitation.
    The war between our families started when he finally proposed (that was about 4 years ago), his family gave some conditions if he must wife me (we have to live with them), I was in shock when my husband accepted and was happy with their conditions (so crazy). My family wagged and demanded I should breakup with him immediately.
    I decided to give him the last shot as a man whom has already taken over 100% of my heart, I took a risk to go spiritual with them by consulting Priest AKOBE via AKOBESPIRITUALHOME40@gmail.com, I dont know how but the spiritual father already knew I was going to consult him. He first of all told me the danger I was into and how my husband has been enslaved since birth, how they keep brain washing him to do their wills.
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  74. My name is Jessica Luis, and I base in USA...My life is back!!! After 1 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Mohammed, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr Mohammed's e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr Mohammed, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here's his contact: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com or call him +2348134493948

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  75. Hello to you all on this page, am Helena, i want to use this opportunity to share with you all on this page how i was able to get back with my man Jackson, after 2 years of breakup, it all started 2014 when my husband traveled from our city texas to Florida for work where he met this other lady since then my husband started to treat me like am was nobody until one day he left the house to start living with this other lady, me and our daughter of a year and 2 months then, were left alone, i cried and tried everything possible to plead with he to make he return home, but nothing worked, and i loved my husband so much and i knew he loved me as well, at this time i noticed all was not in it right senses with my husband, i made up my mind not to rest until am able to get my family back on track again, September 23 2015 my friend Darcy from Houston told me about this powerful spell caster, called Dr Gozza of hollygozzasolutiontemple@gmail.com, at whom she claim has helped her and some others with relationship issues,at first i was skeptical about this thing called spell casting, but after thinking for days i said to give it a try because i loved my husband and i want my child to grown up with both parents , i contact this Dr Gozza on his email, and also texted him on the phone, and explained everything that has happened between me and my husband to he , and he told me what to do, i did it all and he told to wait for three days after his work i will get a text from my husband, after three days of his work i actually got a sweet and apology text from my man to me it was like wow, and it was like a dream come through, so me and Jackson my lovely husband started again and till this moment we are still together in love okay, so with this great work done for me by this man , i vowed to share to the world my experience with he so whosoever in such situation, marriage, heartbreak, any kind of relationship problems/issues. can also contact him, his contact details below
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  77. I am very grateful to Doctor Omoluyi for bringing back my Husband after 2 years of separation due to pressure from his family and business associate saying that i am not the same country and different believe.. This Joan Robert From Miami Florida. After enough searching and surfing on the internet, I saw a post made by Peter Dashy from Canada referring of how he was helped by Doctor Omoluyi. I also decided to contact the Doctor for help because i was desperate to get back my lovely Husband. I followed all his instructions and he promised me that my husband will get back to me within 12 to 18 hours after he has finished with the preparation of the spell. And now, am finally a complete woman with my man back by my side. To also get your help from this great Doctor Omoluyi, Email: ( Doctoromoluyispelltemple@gmail.com ) OR Website: http://www.doctorokpamenspells.com

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