Monday, August 6, 2012

What I REALy think of REAL Beauty

Below are some images you may recognize, along with my responses to them, in pictures.  I just joined Pinterest so I'm all about the visuals these days!

#1: Dove's concept of "Real Beauty"
Image found here.

My response:
Image found here.

#2: An image circulating the web at this very moment.
Image found here.

My Response:
Image found here.

If you like what you're seeing, check out my new 
Body Positivity Images folder @ www.pinterest.com/kjerstingruys/body-positivity.  I'm collecting body-positive images and messages that inclusively celebrate the variety of bodies out there. I'd love help gathering more amazing and inspiring images for my growing collection!

78 comments:

  1. I have to say, I've been a fan of the Dove campaign, but I did notice, in looking at the picture above, how white all the women appear. Is dark skin not part of their vision?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear (I assume you're Mrs. Gurys?),

    I'm 14 and recently watched a TV special featuring your "OFF the wall" blog. I thought your idea of giving up mirrors was brilliant. I looked into the site and felt so glad your doing this. You have inspired me. I'm not poppular, skinny and tall like other girls my age they show in magazines. I'm the opeset. Short, average sized and geeky. I try and be positive about who I am but like every other 14 year old girl, I'm unsure on how I feel about my looks. After reading your posts and watching the tv special I can't help but admire you. You are very beautiful and I am so inspired by this blog. I just want to say thank you and to remember that you are very beautiful no matter what others say. Once again thank you for the inspiration!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I too found your blog courtesy of the 20/20 segment. I was inspired by your story and your mission to teach positive body image. I must confess this particular installment cut me to the quick because it is a bit of a slap in the face on how I, despite my best intentions otherwise, have helped perpetuate the myth women are inherently valuable based on their falling into a specific size.
    As a plus-size woman, who has been plus-size my entire life, I carved out a particular niche for myself in romance fiction by writing "Rubenesque" romances. These star women of varying sizes, particularly larger sizes. One: I tend to "write what I know," but more importantly I felt this was an underrepresented group of women featured in the romance genre.

    I used to feast heavily at the buffet of writers like Danielle Steel until it occurred to me that not only were fat women not represented as heroines, fat was also used as a ginormous negative. The instance that stands out the most is when Ms. Steel tackled the serious nature of domestic abuse and felt the need to describe her heroine's reaction to an overweight victim as less than sympathetic because of her size/unattractiveness.

    As such I began writing to "even the score." I was sick of seeing all the stories on talk shows where overweight women were shaded in as lonely and pathetic and always yearning for a love they could never find unless they actually lost the weight. My "Real Woman" romances were written to prove that no matter what size you wear you can find love and romance, since this was my own personal experience.

    The reason I called them "real women" romances was because even though the average American woman is a size 12, our culture has this underlying (and sometimes quite overt) message that the true ideal is one of fiction. Models are photoshopped. Mannequins and Barbies are unrealistically skinny. Anytime you see a fat actress on the cover of a magazine is on a tabloid out to exploit her “misfortune” of being the worst thing any women in our media can be. We are continually force-fed this idea that the more digits you add to your dress size the more invaluable you become. Because of this you’ll find women like the one also featured on 20/20 willing to live off of a feeding tube just because her daughter (!) called her too fat.

    This plastic sense of perfection is making us fatter and unhealthier and certainly unhappier by the generation. These are mindsets are subtly an subconsciously reinforced that even those of us who have never been perfect nor will ever be a size 0 end up buying into The Big Lie.

    In 1996, when I tried to sell a romance featuring the same type of prototype I'd always read throughout the years, I was told by publishers that my heroine was "unrealistic." She was too perfect, too desirable. She wasn't a three dimensional person. I was unwittingly perpetuating the very same negative message I'd subconsciously accepted over the decades as an inevitable fact of life.

    Now my heroines are deeply faceted and as flawed and imperfect as anyone of us. This is what makes them "Real." I only mention weight if it pertains to the story, otherwise I leave that information ambiguous. I’ve found that whether my heroine is a size 4 or a size 10, she can still think, feel, reason, fight, cry and transform. (However I do tend to favor curvy heroines for my romances. I consider it a calling to give the average American woman a heroine who looks more like they do.)

    But thanks to this blog now I see that my usage of the term "Real" was just as exclusionary as the media message it was supposed to challenge. Imagine my chagrin! I'm in the process of changing that reference thanks to your very valid point.

    All women are beautiful because they are so much more than a dress size and a number on the scale. Thanks for the "mirror" that cautioned me against becoming the very thing I took up the mantel to fight. <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. I must say that I disagree with your complaints about the dove real beauty campaign. They are very clear that they use real because they want to show women- all women, as they truly are- not over-photoshopped or spray tanned, etc. And if you look for more advertisements associated with their campaign there are a wide variety of body types (also body colours- for Cynthia). It is about loving yourself as you are and feeling confident in your own skin.. I don't understand where you are getting the notion that Dove is calling these women "real" only if they are curvy, their ads feature as many thin women as they do large women (at least from my perspective) and tall women, short women, etc.

    I do agree that we are currently choosing to back one side of the puzzle and say that larger women are more real, and I think it is horrible. As a plus size woman I truly appreciate imagery supporting positive body image, but there is so much around where it seems as though larger women need to degrade smaller women just to feel that they themselves are beautiful.. The second image you posted would be a good example of this if it did not pull from the idea that the media is show casing extremely thin women as beautiful and excluding larger women from that image...

    In short, I agree with your feelings about how all women are beautiful and real women come in all shapes and sizes, but I can not agree on your criticism of the dove beauty campaign, and I feel that your criticism of the second photo is also lacking as it was intended as a commentary on the media, not on personal feeling.

    Much support for this project you undertook.

    ReplyDelete
  5. SO refreshing to read this. I have had people whisper comments about how grossly skinny I am, I get all sorts of comments like that behind my back, and it's not any less hurtful. I hate the pressure we ALL feel. Even skinny girls feel insecure about their lack of womanly curves. Your stance is such a breath of fresh air...thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Second! Thank you, thank you, thank you to this blogger and this commenter for standing up for skinny women like me. I have hollows in my cheeks and see my ribs. That's the normal me, not the starved, crazy-working-out version (who doesn't exist, thank you very much!). And while I want women of all sizes to get the respect they deserve, I hate when they do it at the expense of women who are thin. And I get tired of the real women campaigns that make it seem like thin = neurotic, crazy, obsessed. I am the way I am via genes, three healthy meals a day and a moderate amount of exercise, not mental illness. For the record, I'd be thinner if I DIDN'T exercise. I'm not at the gym trying to lose weight.

      Delete
  6. I find your blog very inspiring. I have never been overweight, but I have also never been "skinny". I am average. I have always been average. I too wear a size 8. And a size 10. And at times a size 12. All depending on wear I shop. I have gotten to the point now that clothes sizes really do not matter. If it fits, I buy it. Then I cut out the tag so I really don't even remember the size. I have also come to the conclusion that I will never wear a bikini. And I am ok with that too. Thank you for your story and good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  7. First off I would like to say I'm sorry for all the mean, evil, hateful and negative comments that people have posted on your blogs. I would like to say that it's just because they themselves suffer from their own insecurities, but that is no excuse for their behavior. Second, I would like to tell you about a song that would fit you perfectly. I don't know what your religious stand point is and I don't want this to come across as me pushing my religion on to you, but the lyrics of this song fit perfectly to what you have gone through and the wonderful message you are trying to send to others that actually take the time to understand what you are doing. The name of the song is call "Beautiful" by MercyMe. I really hope that you continue to be strong and stand up for yourself and not let anyone tell you that you are any less than what you are... you are beautiful.. inside and out. No matter what anyone else says about you, always remember that.

    ReplyDelete
  8. your my hero. Im not overweight, Im underweight. And not by choice. With all of the medication I was on it didnt matter how much I ate, I lost weight, and more weight, and more. Most people I talked about it with said it was a blessing, but to me it was a curse. At 5 ft 4 I was 103 lbs in December of last year. The comments I would get about How boney I was, How tired I looked made me obsess everyday about how much I weighted and the way I looked. I thought people were staring at me, talking about me all the time. Thankfully I am no long on those meds and back to a healthy 126! I understand everything you are doing to make a ealthy lifestyle for yourself and Im so glad you have shared it with all of us. I don't think there is anything more important then for girls and women to feel sexy and comfortable in whatever skin their in!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bravo! When we all begin to accept that we are complete in ourselves and put that message out there for the world, perhaps we can start to focus on truly important matters-hunger, justice, freedom, tolerance. You go girl!

      Delete
  9. Women are gorgeous, amazing creatures. This is something we understand about ourselves only in retrospect looking back. I was married and divorce, and am married again. In my youth I was everything the magazines said we should be, and I was miserable. After my divorce, I stopped taking care of my hair, gained 60 pounds, and according to society, was at my worst. I met and married the most amazing man, began to eat better foods, which brought the glow back to my skin (and my eyes). I began exercising, and am now a healthy, stacked, SIZE 12 bombshell. Men stop me on the street and women respond well to me. It's because I'm joyously happy and completely disinterested in their opinions. Kjerstin, you are beautiful and amazing, all the way to the bone. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am really of you. Not that your idea will work for everyone, but it works for you. While I agree that no one should pressure woman into being a size zero. Zero is not a size. But I feel that it would be a bad idea too encourage woman to follow the growing trend of obesity. Don't get me wrong you are not obese and while 99% of woman are beautiful people, all people men and women should be encouraged to be healthy and happy. I would hope that people would be happy with who they are and simply strive for improvement everyday. I believe I am beautiful and that it is only my opinion that should matter, but I have been the anorexic and morbidly obese. I wasn't happy either way. I am somewhat happy now being just in the middle. I would like to see role models who teach young woman that zero isn't an appropriate size, but neither is 20. Image and health as well as self esteem have to be balanced. We go too far in one direction and then boomerang too far in the other. The woman I admire and I want my 3 daughters to admire aren't 12 pounds but they also aren't 312 pounds. I want my daughters to be content with who they are, but not be so unhealthy that they have trouble walking.

    ReplyDelete
  11. That first sentence was supposed to be I am really PROUD of you. Sorry for the misprint.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I have to say "way to go". So many people are judged on looks or speaking out. You are very brave for speaking your mind and hats off to you for sharing on 20/20. We need more people for the girls/women of the world to hear from. This world is cruel and tough at times and things aren't getting easier. Please keep expressing and reaching out to people. If they don't appreciate it they don't need to keep reading. That is why I don't understand the negative comments. "If you have nothing nice to say" then don't bother and move on. Isn't there enough negativity in the world without posting more hate to someone trying to make a positive impact for herself and others. Again thank you for sharing your experience.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I just saw your story, and I cannot tell you how much of an inspiration you are. I thought to myself, could I do this? And the truth is...I'm not quite sure. See, I'm 15, in high school, and well...you know how that can be.EVERYTHING revolves around image. Maybe I'll try it out? See if I can be as strong as you are. Believe me, you are Strong. Thank you so much for the inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow what an inspiration :) This really means alot to me being the plus size girl that I am ... I wish you the very best. You are beautiful inside and out !!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I just watched your interview with Robin Roberts. Your commitment to your plan is awe inspiring. Being healthy and happy is more important that having that stereotypical model body. I used to be a size one, then middle age bulge took over. I just call it my "pouch" and my husband says it is just more to love. I am healthy and very happy at age 57. That is what is important. Bravo to you for finding that contentment in yourself. If you can't live with your inside, you have a hard time accepting your outside. You are an amazing woman and don't forget that.

    ReplyDelete
  16. First of all i would like to say how inspiring you are to me. Literally i think i have had tears in my eyes just from watching your story, you are most definitely a great role model in my eyes. Secondly I think you are a beautiful woman who had no reason to be self conscious to begin with. Thirdly, (not that you are pluz size; you most definitely aren't) beging a plus size girl myself i know how hard it is to look at your self and find things to love. You have definitely given me a new way to look at myself and love myself. Thank you for that. I hope you continue in your endeavors with the populations self image! I know you can make a huge difference!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I became anorexic at 23, recovered 3 years later, but fought those negative, poisonous self messages for most of my life-since early childhood. Now, at 62, I've found my way out of the cycle-I like myself at last-just as I am. If your story can help other young women from wasting valuable time on worthless self loathing, you have truly made a worthwhile contribution. Best Wishes Always.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I don't think there is one woman in this world that can say they have never battled with their body image. Your story made me very emotional and excited for what I hope the future holds for a younger generation of women. Young girls today have to have strong, empowered women to be their models otherwise they are going to get sucked into the media craze of beauty.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I love this. Our problem is feeling the need to judge everything, instead of just accepting everything.

    ReplyDelete
  20. you are a great woman and a truly one.i think society needs a lot of woman like you.you are beautiful:)

    ReplyDelete
  21. i'm guy and i can confirm for you that some women are actually much hotter than others, but it is all based on the preference of who's watching. objectively, people are neither beautiful nor ugly, they just exist. to give someone the idea that he/she is nice looking is dependent on a whole slew a factors, but most of all on the superficiality of modern civilization. e.g. people should be valued based on skills exclusively, a statement that is just not true in today's society.
    anyhow, it's a great attitude you're having, but try not to get into the whole beauty/ugliness aspect too much.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I have to say, I've been a fan of the Dove campaign, but I did notice, in looking at the picture above, how white all the women appear. Is dark skin not part of their vision?

    ReplyDelete
  23. I know this is an old post -- but I SO agree. Promoting 'curvy' women as sexy and 'thin' girls as unattractive is still considered body shaming. Maybe if we don't focus on what size is beautiful at all -- 'real beauty' won't come bundled in wrapping paper. Girls with eating disorders are frequently propelled by things far stretching body image -- and making them feel ugly will only continue to lower their self-esteem and perpetuate the self-destructive behaviors.

    ReplyDelete
  24. http://www.awesomecalgary.org/2011/11/photo-essay-of-final-party-at-bjs-gym.html?showComment=1454764116856#c1896647592587760546

    ReplyDelete
  25. Want to know all the latest news of Euro cup 2016,must check Euro Cup 2016

    ReplyDelete
  26. perusahaan ulasan cipto junaedy yang digunakan di seluruh dunia untuk menjaga real estate atau investasi di tangan yang baik. Di sebagian besar wilayah hukum, ada jaminan kerahasiaan dan rincian penerima manfaat 'tinggal dengan agen terdaftar perusahaan yang bisa anda intip di review cipto junaedy, yang merupakan hal yang baik bagi mereka yang tidak ingin melakukan bisnis lokal. pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya | pelajari selengkapnya

    ReplyDelete
  27. If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find you are ready for greater challenges.
    - Quotes about love
    - Fancam Kpop

    ReplyDelete
  28. Thanks to the nomination Heather! We just did our post and experienced a blast! None of ours assess in your vibrant hues nevertheless… super impressive!
    apple IPhone7 release date

    ReplyDelete
  29. Are you confused about what constitutes real beauty? Are all of those sexy-girl stereotypes confusing about what is real and what isn't when it comes to beauty?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Want to know regular updates of Euro Cup 2016????
    Get Euro Cup live Streaming,Euro Cup 2016 Schedule,Euro Cup 2016 Fixture,Euro Cup 2016 Live Streaming,Euro Cup 2016 Live Stream,Euro Cup 2016 Live Score.
    Venue-France,From 10th june-10july. 24 teams,10 stadiums. Stay updated.Watch Portugal vs Poland Live Streaming.

    ReplyDelete
  31. With this number cruncher, the most significant field that needs an information is the aggregate equalization of credit. Next is the loan cost every year. There are additionally times when a credit charge field is accessible in the understudy number cruncher however in the event that it doesn't have one, you can incorporate it in the aggregate advance sum. Cash Advance San-diego

    ReplyDelete
  32. While selecting a moneylender or budgetary organization, guarantee that it is a rumored and solid in the business sector. Be watchful, the same number of loan specialists and foundations at first guarantee decreased financing costs, yet at the appropriate time, they increment the loan fees asserting business sector swelling as a reason. usacheckcashingstore.com/san-diego

    ReplyDelete
  33. Being in the Acceptance stage is a decent place to be. It implies that: you have found that deferrals and abstinences are not perpetually you have quit pointing the finger at others for getting what you thought to be a "free ride" you have discovered that you can not release your advance through insolvency you have quit drinking intensely and watching re-keeps running of the Gilmore Girls and you now acknowledge your money related obligation and are set up to make a move. usacheckcashingstore.com/san-diego

    ReplyDelete
  34. The most effortless approach to picture these sorts of parks is in two parts. You have the land segment, which comprises of earth and any irrefutable land enhancements. Run of the mill manufactured home stop upgrades may incorporate portable cushions, RV cushions, clubhouses, pantry, pool, office, and so on. Cash Advance Chicago

    ReplyDelete
  35. Other than having the data expected to legitimately round out an application on the web, you will likewise have the capacity to work at your own pace to round the application out. In conclusion, the best part around an online automobile credit would be that with most online vehicle advances, there is no initial installment included. Payday Loans Chicago

    ReplyDelete

  36. Our Giants Flag is constructed of polyester, measures 3x5 feet, and has two metal grommets for attaching to a traditional flagpole, tailgate pole, or our 6' aluminum flagpole. The perimeter of our Giants Flag is double stitched and the Officially Licensed NFL New York Giants team logos are dye sublimated into the flag so they won't peel. Due to its large size, this flag is also perfect to hang in your game room, sports room, office, or kids room.
    house divided flags nhl
    nfl house flagscheap St.Louis Rams house divided flags
    Falcons house divided flags

    ReplyDelete
  37. Prezzo: €22.50
    Informazioni di base:
    Formato: S, M, L, XL, XXL.
    La marca: Adidas
    Tessuto: poliestere mesh
    Style: canotte basket
    Oggetti applicabili: Uomo
    Appartiene alla squadra: Phoenix Suns
    Corrispondenti ai giocatori: Charles Barkleymaglie da calcio a poco prezzo,
    magliette da calcio poco prezzo, Maglia AS Roma 2017
    Maglia inter milan outlet

    ReplyDelete
  38. You are what is known as 'on favorable terms' with the bank. You are only the sort of individual that the bank likes to manage. Your advance is guaranteed. Simply ensure that you reimburse this one on time and the chief will welcome you to a round or two of golf. You can't have an excessive number of companions in high places. car title loans chicago

    ReplyDelete
  39. Your style is really unique in comparison to other folks I have read stuff
    from. Thanks for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I’ll just bookmark
    this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  40. This NFL Flag for Washington Redskins is constructed of polyester, measures 3x5 feet, and has two metal grommets for attaching to our 6' aluminum flagpoles or any of our tailgate pole systems. The perimeter of our NFL Flag for Washington Redskins is double stitched and the team logos are screen printed into the flag so they won't peel. Because of its large size, these flags are great to hang on any wall in your game room, sports room, garage.stars and stripes flags,
    football flags saleChicago Bears house flags
    Cincinnati Bengals house flags
    nfl house divided flags,
    nfl house flags,
    college flags 3x5,
    Sports flags and banners,

    ReplyDelete
  41. An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a co-worker who
    has been conducting a little homework on this. And he actually bought me dinner
    because I stumbled upon it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this….
    Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending some
    time to discuss this subject here on your web page.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Are you confused about what constitutes real beauty? Are all of those sexy-girl stereotypes confusing about what is real and what isn't when it comes to beauty?....

    ReplyDelete
  43. When someone writes an article he/she keeps the idea of a user in his/her brain that how a user can understand it.
    Thus that’s why this paragraph is amazing. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete