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| A photo of my wedding dress an hour before our ceremony. I love how the sky is reflected in the windows.... (More "teaser" photos are posted at www.thegoodness.com. I've only seen pics pre-approved by Michael!) |
Now, Michael and I tried to avoid having any kind of a weird "mirror" or "mirror-free" theme at our wedding. After all, this year-without-mirrors project is just one small piece of our hopefully very-long lives together. (That, and we didn't want our guests to start rolling their eyes or becoming nauseated at repeated references to the project!) Yet, when it came to our first dance, nothing captured our relationship - and our promises to each other - better than these lyrics:
I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't, let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I'll be your mirror
For the past 199 days Michael has been my mirror in the most literal sense, by telling me when I've got food in my teeth or when my makeup looks weird. That's been wonderful. Yet, the more awesome gift started the first day we met, when he saw all the good inside of me and reflected that back in his eyes, smile, and kindness. He truly sees my best self - a better and more complex self than I've ever seen when picking apart my face or body in the mirror. He sees a completely lovable Kjerstin, which helps me "see" (and love) her too. I pray that I do the same for him.
Now I have a question for you: who is YOUR best "mirror"? Is it a parent? A lover? A friend? A sister? A grandparent? Your therapist? How easy or hard has it been to believe the beautiful "reflection" of you that can only seen in this person's eyes? Have you ever thanked this person?
Finally, for the my most curious or inspired readers, here's a beautiful rendition of "I'll Be Your Mirror," from youtube (at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KN8FpmMZ6Q). Enjoy!
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Ah ... a little Velvet Underground :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband is a great mirror for making me feel good, but he is not very honest about if my hair is doing weird things or my clothes totally don't go together. He really doesn't care about that stuff and is happy with me looking however I look. So, he's my "loves me for me" mirror, but his best friend (who is gay ... may or may not make a difference) is my mirror for kindness but also honesty "Your hair is doing something weird there ..." or "I'd change that shirt if I were you."
I - like you - have struggled very hard with not being so mean to myself about how I look. I think I'm finally coming out the other end now that I'm in my 40's but I still want to look presentable - I just no longer have to look that warped media-driven way that defines "perfect". Instead I look "perfect" as I am ... I just also want to be presentable and not be walking around with hay in my hair or dirt on my face without knowing it :)
Ooops - different artist! I just assumed it was the old version - I like this one better.
ReplyDeleteThis song is so beautiful! And so sweet that it has so much meaning for you both on so many levels. So cute! I think my mirror would have to be a compilation of my mom and my best friends. They never let me forget the good parts about myself, and let me know when I do something hurtful, stupid, or ridiculous that I'm not aware of.
ReplyDeleteMy best mirrors are my husband and my sister. They're both quick to let me know if I'm out of line, but also are very appreciative and give me a good word -- even when my hair's not fixed, as my husband told me this morning -- just when I need one. Love is ah-ma-zing!
ReplyDeleteLaura
I am luck to have several good mirrors in my life,but would say my hubby and sister are the 2 best. Both shows me the best parts of myself...things I do not always see when looking in the glass mirror. I am lucky to have the kind of talking mirrors that tell you the truth and are kind and uplifting as well.
ReplyDeleteI go to a meditation group once a week. This week while in meditation a lone female dancer moved through my mind twisting and turning her body through the most graceful shapes and patterns. She was so elegant and beautiful to watch. I wondered why I was being shown this and who she was.
ReplyDeleteI heard the answer "she is you". Tears ran down my face and the release felt wonderful - I guess I have been pretty hard on myself.
Perhaps I should use my meditation mirror more often?
My best mirror is my sister :) Nice post!
ReplyDeleteKathryn, I am entranced by your story! Wishing for myself a similar experience. :)
ReplyDeleteMy best mirror is Hayes, for sure. He sees me as I am, but especially the best parts of me and who I want to be. We also keep each other accountable and call each other on our stuff, so it's not just fake reassurances and back patting. I think we do this for each other and it makes us want to be our best selves on our own and together.
ReplyDeleteMy Mom is my best "mirror". She loves me unconditionally, but likes me conditionally. Whenever I've done something really stupid, she tells me she disapproves and tries to help me learn my lesson, but she also constantly reminds me of all the best she sees in me, and shows me that I'm a good person and deserve to be happy in life. Sometimes I find it hard to believe what she says, but I know she'd never lie to me to make me feel better, and she doesn't gush out compliments at me, she just tells me the truth about my positives and negatives when she finds any. I've also had two other great mirrors. One was a male friend I had when I was 17, who really genuinely loved and admired me, and I've never had a friend before or since be so genuine and frank about their feelings toward me. It inspired me to be more open with people and tell someone when I appreciate them. I also had a girl-friend when I was sixteen who thought I could do no wrong. She really flattered me because she thought she never knew a more perfect guy... I guess love can do that, but while we were together, I have to admit I felt really confident. It's nice to be appreciated. I make sure I don't forget it, and always give compliments when they're due, whether it's to the guy in the take-out window, or my hair-dresser, or a friend or family member. It just makes me feel so good when I see that something I've said has made someone's day or maybe only gave them something to smile about for a second. I know how they feel, because when you know that someone is being genuinely appreciative of you, you feel alright in your own body and mind, and in the world. I wish everyone could get that kind of positive feedback at least once a day, I think we all need it sometimes.
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